Alpha Protocol Day 2: I'm Saudi 5000

Alright, bro, so, like, these government dudes, they sent me to Saudi Arabia to, like, totally ice this terrorist bro. Which I was all kinds of into, I am so good at Call Of Duty, bro.  So I had to like, bug this airfield, and find this arms dealer bro, who I totally let go because he gave me all this cash.  Then I had to fight this big dude, and I tossed him off a bridge and he totally got run over by a tank, it was epic.  Also I stole this sweet gun from him.

Gold plated, bro.  I'm keepin' it.  Stoked.  Anyway, then I had to shoot down this big missile launching tank thing, which was totally easy since I had so much practice shooting down killstreaks in CoD.  Then I finally found the terrorist dude I was supposed to ice:

And he told me a lot of boring shit about how Halborg, or Halliburton or whatever was manipulating the government and these terrorist bros into some kind of cold war, or something?  I didn't really get it, so I threw him off a bridge too.

Later bro.  I totally should have youtubed that.  Oh well, anyway, I was talking to Morgan Freeman about how I'm so fucking sick at killing terrorists when this bitch I met back in basic totally interrupted.

Her name's Mina, and she's totally hot and I've always wanted to bang an asian chick, but she's a total fuckin' ice queen.  And I'm not talkin' smirnoff either, bro.  Anyways, she's telling me there's some kind of fuckin' missiles heading for my positions.  Not cool, bros.  But at least I get to practice my sweet slo-mo action movie dive!

LEGENDARYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!  So then the bitch calls me back and tells me that AP considers me a rogue agent, which is fucking bogus.  I totally killed that guy!  Anyways, I can't go back to HQ, so I head back to my safehouse to get wasted on Natty Light.  I woke up the next day and the ice queen told me I should go to Rome.  I don't really know why, but whatever, ever since I saw Gladiator I've always wanted to go over there.  That movie was sick.

Heh, it totally looks like a boot.  So anyways I'm on the plane and this smokin' hot redhead sits down next to me.

Said her name was Scarlet, like from G.I. Joe.  I asked her how Duke was doing and she just fuckin' looked at me.  Then she started telling me about her job and shit and I was like, look, I've got an epic fucking hangover right now, and if you're not good to go, you need to just fucking tell me.

But she just wanted to talk about my job and what I was doing in Saudi Arabia so I totally blew her off.  It's a shame bro, she had tits that could end world hunger.

So now I'm at this sweet pad in Rome, and I guess I gotta go find an NSA Listening Post in a Baskin Robbins or something, but tonight I'm just gonna crash with some 'za and some Call Of Duty on my 360-- wait, what the fuck bro?

You mean to tell me you can afford a like, hundred inch plasma but the only system you have is a fuckin' Sega Saturn?  This shit better have Madden or I really will go rogue.

Later,
Mike "The Situation" Thorton