A Steaming (Random) Alphabet Of Hate: 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Iron Roses: Day One (and Last Day)

Sup bros. Instead of Deus Ex I got hammered and played Iron Roses. It's like, this adventure game where you play as this total bitch who used her roommate's rent money to buy a guitar. Then she has to get her old band back together to play in some battle of the bands. It's like an 80s movie that sucks.

I took some pictures but it totally sucks and I beat it in an hour so who cares.

Later, bros.

Mike "The Situation" Thorton

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Alien Breed 2: Assault Day 2

Sorry I'm late, bros. Me and Heck went to Cabo and I just lost track of time. Musta done like, 700 jello shots, man.

Anyway I tried loading this up again and playing it. And to be honest it's not very good, bros. It's boring, there's a lot of backtracking, and one time when I paused it it crashed the game. And since this was a free game, I got no problems giving it the first official BRO VETO.

Also, me and Heck decided that we don't like the alphabet system anymore. So here's how this is going to go from now on. I'm gonna number the list of games I haven't played yet, and then pick a number out of a hat, and play that. You won't know what I'm playin', and neither will I. BUT BEFORE THAT, a game just came out that looks pretty badass. It's called Deus Ex: Human Revolution and it stars this guy with sick shades. Not sicker than mine, of course, but seriously. It's sort of a tactical shooter/rpg with choices that affect the story and stuff. So it's like Alpha Brotocol, only less brosome. I'm gonna play that, and then do the random thing.

Later bros,

Mike "The Situation" Thorton

Friday, August 12, 2011

Alien Breed 2: Assault Day 1

So the first game I get to play is Alien Breed 2: Assault. It's the second part of a trilogy or something, but this game was free so it's the part we're playing. It's by Team 17, who make those worm games. Only worm I care about's at the bottom of this bottle of tequila, bro. It's a dual joystick shooter full of alien jerks who want to kill you, it's a lot like Alien Swarm except not as good.

It also has some pretty hilariously bad voice acting over some pretty bad comic book style cutscenes. THIS GHOST SHIP JUST PICKED THE WRONG SON OF A BITCH TO MESS WITH, BRO.

but yeah, it's a lot of activating consoles and backtracking and countdowns where tons of enemies swarm you.

You find different weapons (I got the Assault Rifle and Shotgun so far, along with my trust infinite ammo pistol) and you can upgrade them and shit.

If this all sounds pretty boring, bro, it's because it fuckin' is. The controls are pretty lame too. A 360 controller might help, but the dude you play as just feels kind of slow.

The boss fight was pretty boring, too. The monster looked cool I guess

But all I really did was shoot him until he got so mad he dropped a ceiling on his head. What a dumbo. Anyway, I'll try again with the controller tomorrow but first impressions are not looking good.

Later, bros.

Mike "The Situation" Thorton

SUP BROS

Hey. It's me, Mike "The Situation" Thorton. You may remember me from Alpha Brotocol, 2010's Game Of The Year. When we last met I was on a sweet ass boat with my bro Steven Heck, but I'm back because of this Shoe asshole. It seems he's too much of a pussy to play a bunch of video games, so he asked me to do it instead. I would've said no but then he promised to pay me in Smirnoff Ice. SO BROCKLE YOUR SEAT BELTS, BROS AND HOS, YOU'RE IN FOR A SICK RIDE!!

But first, let's lay out some ground rules. Some brotocol, if you will.

1. I'm starting over, since this idiot went and got himself some more games. Don't worry, I'll skip over anything he's already played. Here's the list.

Games already played:
Aliens Vs. Predator
Alpha Brotocol
Alien Swarm
Amnesia
Aquaria
Audiosurf
Bad Rats

It looks like the pussy started playing Batman and wussed out, so I guess I'll have to start over on that too. Who stops playing Batman to play that game about the holes?! Are you SERIOUS, bro?!

2. If I feel like a game will be impossible for me to beat, I will play it as far as I can. But I'm not spending like 3 months trying to beat a game. I gotta work on my quads, bro.

3. If a game like, corrupts my save and I have to start over, like, fuck that bro. Next game. I might make an exception if it's Fallout because those games are sick, but otherwise, DENIED.

4. If a game doesn't have a story, I'll play it for an hour or two and decide if it's sick or just sad. And I'll tell you, because you can't decide for yourself! You need me, bros.

5. I promise to play at least an hour a day. Unless me and Heck go for burritos or whatever. Deal with it.

Alright I think that covers it for now. I'm not gonna take as many screenshots as that loser did, and I'm sure as hell not gonna act like I'm in the game or whatever. This is a bro's-eye view. If you can't take the heat, stay out of my bro-zone.

Later.

Mike "The Situation" Thorton