Aquaria Day 2: No Accusations, Just Unfriendly Crustaceans

Apparently fraps is acting up, so I only got three screenshots today!  And none of them are very good!  So here they are!

Yeah, none of those are very helpful.  What happened was I was in the temple from yesterday, right.  Then I found a stone door in the floor, and there were two slots where I had to put pearls in so I could blast them with my crazy new energy powers and open the door.  So I did that, and opened the doors, and there was this big scaryfuck monster!  I died like 8 times fighting this thing but I eventually figured out I had to push it back with my blasts, grab a pearl that it was guarding, plug it into another pedestal, then lure the guy under the force field zap thingy it produced when I blasted it.  Then the guy got smart and didn't move under the thing so I had to have him take a swipe at me and activate the field while his arm was under it.   This took a couple of tries, but I finally beat him.  Then I had a crazy flashback about a race of evil catfish that only cared about destruction, and the thing I just murdered was their god.  Then it showed them totally wrecking the fish people from my earlier freakout.  Then I got a sweet big tooth for my house.  Then I went home and saved my game.  Sorry about the lack of pictures!  It (probably) won't happen again!

Aquaria Day 1: Just Keep Swimming

Welp, that's day one in the bag.  Aquaria's a fun little game, though I am not a fan of the "here's the world, figure it out" approach.  I understand exploration is important, and I'd do it anyway, but man give me some kind of direction.  Ah well, I'll hash it out.

Wake up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy.  Nah.  This is Naija, and she never shuts up.  If you swim through a cave she's all "I SWAM THROUGH A CAVE WITH PURPOSE AND MELANCHOLY" etc.  She wants to find her family and her people.  Alright, then, let's do that.

So basically all we can do right now is swim.  Which is useful for getting around, but not so much for the monsterfish we're sure to encounter.

Oh wait, we can also sing!  Each note has a different color and symbol attached to it, which is good, because if I had to do song puzzles by ear this'd be a short-ass playthrough.  So yeah, it's like Ecco meets Loom, without the ridiculous difficulty.

This big red fella is a save point.  You can only save at these, and they restore your health.  So yeah, it's like Ecco meets Loom meets Symphony Of The Night.

And then I freaked out and fell into a vortex!

oh god it's so dark

Then I met this freaky wizard lady.

And she used her FREAKY MAGIC on me!

And then I had this vision where I was all butch'd up and shooting lasers and then I was murdered by a GODBROOD OF FISHDEMONS

But I was actually totally fine HOLY SHIT THAT'S A BIG FISH

Then I made my way into a place called The Song Cave.  Where there was this big friggin' door.

How do I open this?  If only someone left me a blatantly obvious clue on a wall somewhere...

Yes, like this!  Excellent.

So that opens up and I find myself in a cavern.

There's an egg in here, but it's blocked by a rock.

Then I found a crazy glowy blue crystal AND OH GOD A FISH LADY

She seems cool though, she taught me a new jam.

With the Bind song, I can stick things to me!  Things like rocks that are impeding my progress!

So I got into the egg room.  Turns out it's a Verse Egg, which, when I sing at it right, increases my health bar. Score!

Then I found myself in a temple with this pissed off statue that was shooting lasers at me.  I kicked his ass by singing at him, and then this happened:

KAKAROOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!

It's my butch look from that crazy nightmare!  Now I can shoot hella lasers!

Oh, and then I died.

But it's cool, I saved it.  See you tomorrow!

Pre-Game Show: Aquaria

Hello, and welcome to another waterlogged entry in the Steaming Alphabet Of Hate!  Our fourth game is Aquaria.  I don't know much about this game, I got it in the Humble Indie Bundle.  It's an open world action adventure game where you play as Naija, a fish lady who is looking for her people.  You swim around in caverns and you can sing and... that's really about all I know.  So let's explore the oceans together!  Hooray!

Post-Game Show: Amnesia: The Dark Descent

Well, that was "fun."  I honestly didn't think I'd get through it, and I guess some purists would say I didn't entirely, but fuck 'em.  I got a credits screen, AND THAT'S ALL I WANTED.  Seriously, Amnesia has an excellent story and some interesting puzzles, but at some point it stops being scary and starts being tedious.  And that's not me being an internet badass, I hate scary games.  But once you find out the monsters just disappear when you hide from them, or move into a new area, it just becomes a matter of "alright, leave already so I can figure out what levers to pull here."  And that's not exciting in the least.  But, overall, it's a pretty well put together game.

Final Grade: B-

Amnesia: The Dark Descent Day 6: IT'S FUCKING OVER

Well, I found out what a Nave was.  Turns out it's part of a church.  But this is one fucked up church.

Spiral staircase, huh?  Great.  Real original, jerks.  Anyways, I head down and, wait, who the fuck is this?

This guy's name is Agrippa, he says I gotta collect some broken orb pieces to fight the dick who runs this joint.

So off I go into the Transept, which I guess is where churches keep their TORTURE ROOMS

Two spiral staircases in 5 minutes?  What are you, Tim Burton?  Anyway there are three torture rooms in here, each with a piece of orb.  I got two but then I totally had to backtrack for the 3rd because I'm an idiot.

Ow.

Damn.

Torture sucks.  Aaaaanyway, off I go to the Choir, to find more orb chunks!

As you can see, it's a real pleasant place.  But I get all the orb chunks and get back to the Nave.  Now I have to make a tonic for Agrippa.  So it's off to the Chancel where--

I get jumped by a gang of monsters.  Fuck.

Al caught me!  He says I can wait here to stop the shadow.  And I am... so tired.  Maybe I will just rest awhile...

It's been a long road...

Gettin' from there to here...

Been a long road...

But my time is finally near...

And I can feel the change in the winds right now
Nothing's in my way
AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA HOLD ME DOWN NO MORE NO THEY'RE NOT GONNA HOLD ME BACK

CAUSE I'VE GOT FAITH

OF THE HEART

I'M GOIN' WHERE MY HEART WILL TAKE ME

I'VE GOT FAITH

TO BELIEVE

I CAN DO ANYTHING

uh, yeah, see you guys later!

Amnesia: The Dark Descent Day 5: FUCKING NAKED DEAD PEOPLE (NSFW)

Last time on Amnesia Ball Z, I was in the Cistern, avoiding invisible death sharks.  Oddly, none were around, and I was free to move about the water as I pleased.  I solved some puzzles with pipes and weights and levers and shit and then I had to make a little side trip.

Awesome.  Just where I wanted to go, you asshole game.  The dead people garage.  But it's necessary, as I'm trying to get in the sewers and there's some kind of nasty plague down there.  So I need a vaccine!  So in I go...

Yup, this a morgue alright, lookit all them naked dead people.  But there's one naked dead person in particular I need to see. (WARNING, DEAD GUY WANG)

Turns out this guy was vaccinated before he died, so all I have to do to get the vaccine is DRILL INTO HIS HEAD AND INJECT MYSELF WITH HIS BLOOD

ew ew gross gross ew

So with that done I made my way into the sewers.  I jammed a pipe into a thingy, then I explored until a monster BUSTED DOWN A WALL SHIT so I had to hide in this lovely breakfast nook:

Then he left so I went through the wall he hulk'd out on and there was ANOTHER GODDAMNED MONSTER but I wasn't having any of his shit so I just ran past him and got the fuck out of the sewer.

Now I'm here:

They call this the Nave, which, I dunno what that is.  We'll find out tomorrow!  See you then!